I’ve never had my bathroom described as sexy before.
Things that I keep in my pants I’ve had described as sexy. Even elegant. Men and women lust after the things I keep there.*
But never my bathroom.
My room-mate, who still believes she is a college student** is not known as the neatest person in the world. When we hosted a BBQ the weekend before the July 4th weekend – a strategic move to avoid competing with everyone else’s BBQ – I made sure, in the name of common decency, modesty and public decorum to have the guests use my bathroom, not hers.
The general consensus amongst the females in attendance was that my bathroom was really sexy.
I don’t think they were mocking me either.
Many oohs, ahhs and much goggling was made of the simple décor. Many was the opinion of what precisely made it sexy.
Was it the artful black & white scenes of Paris, France vertically framing the walls?
Was it the freshly laundered, neatly stacked, properly ironed, tri-folded (not lazily two folded like everyone else), dove white, hand towels and flannels (wash cloths to the uncouth Americans in the audience) that lined the wash area?
Was it the fact that there exists pure as driven snow bath towels, stacked so high and so neatly with the corners squared off you have to use a step ladder to reach them to avoid being crushed in an avalanche of soft, fuzzy terry toweling?
Was it the deep shag, terry toweling, large loop floor mat carefully folded and placed ready for use when you shower?
Was it the overly luxurious white bathrobe hanging from the brushed aluminium hooks on the back of the door?
Was it the properly installed, heated towel racks warming the towels to a temperature that was the same as the shower you just stepped out of, ready to envelope you in their warm, fuzzy embrace?
Was it the brushed aluminium soap dish (no soap scum), soap dispensers (full), tooth brush holder (clean), toilet brush holder (sanitized), and toilet plunger (choad free)?
Was it the arranged and categorised personal grooming accessories in the vanity cabinet?
Was it the impressive range of shower gels, facial scrubs, shaving gel and hair products arranged on cherry wood shelves?
Was it the glass shelves holding dozens of white candles? The mirrored sconce reflecting warm candle light into the room?
Was it the lush tropical yellow orchids complementing the off-white walls?
Was it the over-hanging palm tree fronds shading the bathroom door as you enter?
Was it the whicker baskets to hold spare toiletries and non-emergency medicinal items?
Was it the clean tile floor?
Was it the glass & brushed metal weighing scale tucked discretely in to one corner?
Was it the over-sized, made for two (nudge, nudge), squeaky clean, glass shower stall? ***
Was it the deluxe, over-sized custom installed massaging shower head?
Was it the large full wall mirrors?
Was it the clean sink, mirrors and wash area and toilet bowl?
Was it, maybe, like stepping in to a spotlessly clean five star deluxe hotel bathroom on the day you just rented your room?
Was it that the bathroom was clean and the toilet didn’t have piss stains around the base and all down the cistern?
I’ll never know. But it was one more element that made the BBQ a raging success.
* My Sony CLIE, my Sony Ericsson Cell Phone, my Prada wallet, etc.
** Actually, she is a college student, studying for something like her fourth or fifth degree. Just make up your damn mind about what career you want, woman.
*** This week it needs a clean but that’s only because I’ve been too busy with a mediocre emergency that had me scraping pots, pans & most of the walls of our kitchen clean of five pints of dried out mashed potato, but that is an entirely different story.